The Grand National: The Most Bonkers Race in the World

Or, as I like to call it, two circuits of absolute chaos, with 34 lunatics hurtling towards fences bigger than a family hatchback.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s that time of year again. The Grand National. The race that transforms the entire nation into racing enthusiasts for precisely nine minutes, before half of them return to having no clue what a furlong is. Every year, millions gather to watch 34 horses and their brave (or possibly deluded) jockeys attempt to conquer the most punishing course in the sport.

Some will clear Becher’s Brook like they’ve got wings. Others will roll over fences like a poorly parked caravan in high winds. And at least one poor soul will realise, far too late, that they backed a horse that’s already lost its jockey and is now merrily trotting in the wrong direction.

So, what do we have in store for 2025? Well, if history has taught us anything, it’s that anything can happen. And it usually does.

The Course: An Obstacle Course Designed by a Sadist

Aintree’s Grand National course isn’t for the faint-hearted. If Cheltenham is the refined gentleman’s festival, then Aintree is the bare-knuckle boxing match after closing time at your local pub.

The race spans a brutal 4 miles and 2½ furlongs—which, for context, is roughly the distance your nan says she used to walk to school every morning. But this isn’t just about distance; it’s about the fences. The National’s jumps are the stuff of legend—each with its own charming, history-soaked name:

Becher’s Brook – So steep it’s essentially a ski jump for horses.
The Chair – Taller than most of the people watching at home.
Valentine’s Brook – Named after a horse that once decided to clear it backwards.
Foinavon – Where 30 horses fell in 1967, leaving one confused outsider to casually win at 100/1.

And let’s not forget Canal Turn, where horses take a sharper corner than most Formula 1 drivers manage on a wet Monaco circuit.

The Contenders: Who’s Most Likely to Survive?

Ah, the runners. The brave warriors who will try (and, in many cases, fail) to complete the two laps of destruction.

Now, let’s meet the brave souls (or fools) lining up for this year’s spectacle:

Inothewayurthinkin (8/1): Trained by Gavin Cromwell, this seven-year-old has been turning heads faster than a supermodel on a catwalk. A solid fourth in the Irish Gold Cup has punters whispering that he might just have the horsepower to take the title.
Intense Raffles (10/1): Fresh from winning the 2024 Irish Grand National, this horse is as intense as a double espresso on a Monday morning. Trainer Thomas Gibney is likely polishing his best suit in anticipation.
I Am Maximus (11/1): The defending champion and Willie Mullins’ pride and joy. After conquering Aintree in 2024, he’s back for more, aiming to prove that lightning can indeed strike twice.
Iroko (12/1): This seven-year-old, trained by Oliver Greenall and Josh Guerriero, has been the subject of much debate. Pulled from the Cheltenham Festival to focus on Aintree, it’s a gamble that could pay off—or backfire spectacularly.
Nick Rockett (14/1): With a name like a 1980s action hero, this eight-year-old trained by Willie Mullins recently rocketed to victory in the Goffs Thyestes. Whether he can maintain that trajectory remains to be seen.

The Dark Horses: Wild Cards and Long Shots

Every Grand National has its share of underdogs—those horses that, on paper, have as much chance of winning as I do of becoming a ballerina. But in this race, the script often gets tossed out the window.

Vanillier (33/1): After finishing second in 2023 and a lackluster 14th in 2024, this ten-year-old is back, hoping that the third time’s the charm. Trainer Gavin Cromwell must be crossing his fingers—and possibly his toes.
Kandoo Kid (25/1): Paul Nicholls’ nine-year-old has been making waves, with recent victories causing his odds to shorten faster than a politician’s memory. Nicholls, currently sunning himself in Barbados, is reportedly “can’t wait to go to Aintree,” which is trainer-speak for “I really hope he doesn’t embarrass me.”

Grand National Trends: What Actually Wins?

For those who like their betting with a side of statistical logic, here’s what history tells us about finding a winner:

Age Matters – Horses aged 8-10 tend to do best. Older than that, and they start wheezing before the second lap. Younger, and they’re like hyperactive teenagers with no fear (which, as we know, rarely ends well).
Stamina is Key – Any horse without a big win over 3 miles is about as likely to finish as I am to win Strictly Come Dancing.
Aintree Experience Helps – First-timers rarely win. This course takes practice, bravery, and a mild disregard for personal safety.
Weight Matters – Carrying more than 11st 5lb? Good luck, because the last horse to carry top weight and win was Red Rum. And, well… there’s only one Red Rum.

Final Thoughts: A Race Like No Other

Look, here’s the thing: you can study form, trends, trainers, jockeys, moon phases, whatever. But this is the Grand National. Absolute madness happens every year.

You could pick the perfect horse, only to watch it trip over a rival at the first fence. You could back a hopeless outsider, only to see it miraculously stay upright while everyone else falls over like dominos. Or, as is tradition, you could just pick the horse with the funniest name—and, to be fair, that method has worked more times than it should.

So, strap in. Get your bets on. Pour a drink. And prepare for 9 minutes of absolute, unpredictable, heart-pounding brilliance.

Welcome to the Grand National—the greatest, most ridiculous race on Earth.